The Trump

About Us

If you're anything like us, you're probably sick and tired of fighting about Donald Trump poo, too. Ever since he was elected president we've had a nightmare. She keeps thinking he “loves” Donald Trump. He's afraid she's turning into Hillary Clinton. We step on each other's political toes all day long. It was madness. So we decided to do something about it.

Because we live in Canada and Mexico, we traverse our amazingly continent twice a year. As we do so we're always trying to envisage how it could be a place where people lived more healthily and peacefully, rather than in so much illness and conflict.

So naturally we started with our own shit. And after many years of therapy we finally figured out how to make our shit into great compost for our garden and fruit trees... That meant starting to eat only the wildest local food... And that forced us to give up "healthcare", which was starting to kill us... Then one morning, holy shit, we woke up and were living on an island baking bread every day and fishing for mackerel... So anyway life goes on, one step at a time. We try to go about it with as much good grace and laughter as we can.

Dealing With Our Shit

The other day we went hiking with a bunch of cousins to a waterfall. It was a lovely walk on an overgrown track through huge trees alongside a river babbling through rocky pools. When we got to the falls we stood around as a few of us inched closer to the edge and peered down a hundred foot into a shallow pool below. Someone had committed suicide there a year earlier and it wasn't hard to see how they had done it.

As we were climbing back up from the falls, we passed a chain-sawed tree trunk on which someone had left a neatly tied doggy-poop bag like a piece of modern art on a coffee table. This struck us as about the most horrendous way possible for someone to dispose of their dog's shit, especially in the middle of a huge, wonderful wilderness. What were they thinking? Were they zoned out on Zoloft? Were they suicidal? They certainly made our walk home somewhat unpleasant, carrying their dog's smelly shit in its little blue plastic bag.

Anyway, here's how we like to deal with our shit. You decide what you think.

First, there's usually a bucket of cut grass in our Trump Dump. In addition to grass clipping, we'll often also have a bucket of sawdust, ash and/or dried leaves close at hand. Then there's a bucket for our loo paper, which means we can burn it periodically instead of dropping it down the hole. We often have plain cardboard lying around, too - the sides of an old box, some plain cardboard insulation, the inside rolls from old loo paper rolls - which we tear into small pieces while we're sitting there and throw down the hole when we're done. If we run out of grass or leaves, we'll yank up some weeds or moss from nearby and drop them down the hole. And a bucket of earth from somewhere else never hurts. Ash is particularly useful because its alkalinity neutralizes the acidity of the poo and helps absorb smells...       read more

Analyzing Your Shit

Okay. This is where it gets personal.

What does your poo look like?!???!! You can tell a lot from a person's poo if you know what you're looking for.

Stuck Dump Syndrome: If you're having a hard time getting your poop out, you're probably suffering from Stuck Dump Syndrome. If that's the case the main thing to do is eat way more vegetables sauteed in butter and drink more fluids (red wine and water, not sweet, bubbly ones). Since Trump's angry energy is clearly constricting your innards, you might also read this.

Runny Dump Syndrome: If you just can't keep it in, if you're constantly feeling the urge to run to the Trump Dump and it comes out runny and splatters everywhere, then you're suffering from Runny Dump Syndrome. The first thing to do, of course, is eat more red meat. But here's a sure fire long-term strategy for firming up your poo.


What's a GREEN movement

GREEN stands for the Great Rebirth of Ecological and Economic Neo-localism. It's a decentralized movement dedicated to regenerating our land and communities from the bottom up.

The five key principles of the GREEN movement are as follows:

1)     Concentrate on the small stuff first - the baby, the bacteria in your gut, the friend or customer in front of you, your village, the kiss you're about to give your loved one. The big stuff will adjust accordingly.

2)     If you import something, it should be organic and non-toxic. If not, you're neighbors are correct in wanting to tax you. After all, you have diminished their value by not demanding the fruit of their labors. And you have brought something home that will pollute your land in the long run.

3)     Government should always honor the law of the seventh generation. Anything that is done must be of benefit to those who are not yet born.

4)     Let your imagination grow boundlessly, seek mental stimulation abroad, but only travel when you are going in a spirit of true fellowship.

5)     Worship the Land and the Water and the Sky. And treasure all other living beings.

It's Happening

Most inevitable things happen in one of two ways - the hard way or the easy way. That's certainly true of shit: you can plop out a moist cow pat every morning like clockwork; or struggle to squeeze out a constipated turd at depressingly regular intervals. Your choice.

Now globalism has run out of energy, a GREEN movement is becoming inevitable. The hard way for it to happen goes something like this: we all go on living our settled RED and BLUE lives until eventually something cracks. Remember the way the Soviet Union disintegrated in a few weeks in 1989, after the Berlin Wall fell down? Well, thirty years later the same thing is now happening to us. We're certainly as bankrupt - financially, morally and ecologically - as they were. Our politics prove it. The debt our children have to get in to go to school proves it. The face masks we wear walking down our city streets proves it. The cracks are everywhere. They're deafening. But we're still sitting on the toilet straining to get nowhere as our lives start falling apart.

The easy way to have a GREEN movement is altogether different. Like taking prune juice, it goes more like this. By taking active steps to localize our production and trade, and reduce our reliance on centralized systems of governance, we can decide to make our lives sustainable and resilient before we suffer a hernia. When big trees crack and fall, huge disruption is caused to the life of the forest. But in our lifetimes our societies have only been interested in growing huge, tall, top-heavy trees - trees in which the 0.1% who own all the "assets" are perched in the topmost branches. Our challenge today is to start growing more like moss. Only then can we protect our lives from the risk of sudden, catastrophic disruption...       read more

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the moss is spreading beneath the trees


It's pretty well known that given the choice, most animals prefer not to shit in the same place they sleep. In a small cage that can be difficult, and also on the streets of San Francisco, but the urge to get rid of our shit still runs deep. That doesn't mean that our current method of getting our shit as far away from us as possible using huge amounts of water and an unfathomly complicated network of drains to pump it into our rivers and seas isn't in need of serious reinvention.