A Trump Dump is a way to get rid of your frustrations with Donald Trump in a calm and natural setting without throwing a fit in front of your friends, colleagues or loved ones. In the course of a few months, the power of nature turns your shit into a harmonious and organic product that you can use to make your life better and healthier in all sorts of ways. How magic is that!
We can vouch for the power of a daily visit to a Trump Dump. In 1974 one of our grandfathers built a precursor to the Trump Dump which he called the "Nixon Memorial Shithouse". Our family has been using it ever since and we guarantee it's a great way to vent your frustrations with any president you'd like to shit on. Here's a photo of the Nixon Memorial Shithouse so you can see what the old version looked like.
But today being 2018, we decided to update our grandfather's stress-relief system by designing something more commensurate with today's high-stress world. We've given the Trump Dump a new look that we think perfectly suits it to our smaller, more mobile, gig-oriented, data-driven, smoothie-fuelled lives. It even has a solar-powered USB charging station so you can shit on Facebook, or while Googling!
What You'll Need
Materials
Some old boards or lumber, nails, 4 saplings, burlap, a solar panel, wire, some deep seated frustration with Donald Trump, and an overall good attitude.
Tools
Wood saws, hammers, measuring tape, square edge, jigsaw, needle and thread, patience, lots of it.
Time
A day to three days depending on the weather.
Building The Structure
The first thing you'll need to get started are four slender and straight saplings for the structure's four corner posts. In our case we're using Spruce poles, because that's what we've got. But any tree with a nice slender upright trunk will do. And if you don't have any dead trees hanging around, some old 2by4 studs will do fine.
Once you've got your poles, all you need is some old boards, a saw of some kind, a hammer, nails, screws and a screw driver. Then bring your frustrations with "President" Trump to a fast boil and go at it Texas-style! (see video below.)
Getting all the wood nailed and screwed together shouldn't take more than a day or two once you get your shit together. You can't make a Trump Dump in a 700 square foot city-center apartment (at least we don't think you can), but assuming you know some remote land where you're planning to escape when the shit hits the fan, that's perfect! When the shit hits the fan you'll be delighted you built a Trump Dump.
Blueprints
Blueprints for the Trump Dump can be downloaded here as a jpg file. They are no measurements on them because the measurements depend largely on the width of the burlap fabric you clad your Trump Dump with (where we are, it comes in meter-wide rolls, so our floor plan is 100cm by 100cm). The only critical measurements (suitable for every member of the family) are the height of the seat from the inside floor (37cm); the height of the bottom of the windows (90cm from the inside floor, or approximately 100cm from the bottom of each burlap panel); and the diameter of the pooping hole (9 inches).
And if anyone is has so much pent-up frustration with Donald Trump that they want to build the first Trump Dump "double sitter", send us your photos and plans and we'll give you an honorary mention on this site. Bravo!
Starting a GREEN Movement
...By the way, if you happen to be interested in re-purposing this website for your own project by joining our interlinked, autonomous, and completely decentralized GREEN movement, go ahead. We ask only two things. Abide by the principles of neo-localism. And link to at least one like-minded GREEN websites through the "Explore" link/dropdown (a work in progress).
Thanks for being good friends and neighbors. And a big shout out to That Guy Phil (above and below), who was such a great assistant on this whole project.
The Burlap Cladding
A Trump Dump is clad in burlap so it's as light as possible and can be moved around easily. This allows us to compost our shit as near as possible to the places we need it and saves us having to spend ages hauling last year's shit around in wheel barrows.
Burlap is light and airy, and it smells great. Ten yards of it cost us only about $25, and with just some thumb tacks and needle and thread you can clad a Trump Dump in a few hours. The first thing to do is cut holes for the windows according to the instructions above. Then use a sewing machine to sew a patch of mosquito netting over the window openings. Once you've done that, you're ready to go. You can tack all four sides in place in under an hour.
From our point of view, it's no big deal if we have to replace our Trump Dump's burlap sides every few years. Burlap is made from jute or sisal fibres and is one hundred percent organic. When it has served its time on a Trump Dump, we'll cut rows of little holes in it and use it as a weed-reducing blanket on one of our vegetable beds. Or if it's really saggy and torn, we'll use it to wrap around the trunks of some young trees as protection against hungry mice and voles in the winter.
Build Your Own Trump Dump
and we'll put a picture of it
in our picture gallery.
Email: hello@realtrumpdump.club
Apologies for appropriating a color long claimed by other movements. But now that traditional Green Parties have had their ideals thoroughly co-opted by the money-swirl of conventional left/right politics, it's past time to start again from first principles. Ken Wiber uses the term Green to denote this current period in the evolution of human consciousness, and we admire his analysis of the big swoop of psychic history (see here and here). Others, too, have used Green as their banner, but in the short term we need a much more concrete and easily understood approach in order to craft a political vision that can offer a clear way forward. So we put this up for your consideration and suggestions.
